Mommy Control

This year, for Halloween, I had decided on The Wizard of Oz theme for my kids. My boys were to be the Scarecrow and Tin man, my daughter, Dorothy and our Labrador retriever the Lion.  The kids actually bought into the theme after a well timed movie night where the feature show was, what else, The Wizard of Oz.  My list of materials to make their costumes was made, and I couldn’t wait to get started! 

We attended a birthday party a few weeks ago where the theme was Star Wars.  My boys have never seen the movie, don’t really have any Star Wars toys, but totally bought into the story.  They were given beautiful hand-sewn Jedi cloaks and Lightsabers.  They couldn’t have been more excited.  When we got home from the party, they both told me they want to be a Jedi for Halloween.  I tried, persuasively, to convince them that The Wizard of Oz was a better idea, because all their costumes would go together, and they don’t even really know what a Jedi is.  I got a big “WE ARE BEING JEDIES”. 

Now ordinarily I would push and push and push to have them carry out the plan that I had made.  I could just see the cute pictures with all of them, dressed like the cast to one of the most classic movies ever made.  I stepped back and thought about it a bit more, “why would I go and buy all the materials for these costumes, when I have most of a Jedi costume free, and why would I push them into being something they don’t want to be?” 

Parenthood comes with many sacrifices, sleep, alone time, hobbies, interests, etc.  In my opinion, the most challenging is giving up that Mommy control, for the benefit of my children. 

So, I have relented, the boys will be Jedies, and are happy as clams about it.  In the end, isn’t that all that really matters.  

Sincerely,

From the Stork’s Nest,

Rebecca

Stop in the Name of Love

I spent this afternoon at a seminar for professionals on the importance of taking our time and making sure we “stop, think, act and then review our work.”  As I sat there listening to the instructor, I realized this lesson applies to all aspects of life – not just our professional lives.  The idea of stopping, thinking about what we’re doing, completing a task and then reviewing our actions seems to be a good rule of thumb no matter what the specific situation.  I thought to myself, “Hmm…maybe this would make a good blog.”

Then I got home. 

I had a few extra minutes after the seminar before I was due to pick up my daughter, so I decided to run home to change my clothes and wash my face.  When I got there, of course, I also threw into the mix throwing in a load of laundry, eating the lunch I had missed earlier in the day and checking my email.  Before I knew it, I was running late and realized I needed to get going.  I grabbed my purse and cell phone and whizzed out the door.  Just as I was pulling the front door shut, I realized my mistake…the keys…!  But, alas, it was too late.  The door had locked and there, through the glass door, were my keys sitting on the table, almost mocking me. 

This was too ironic.  I had just left a seminar about taking my time and thinking about my actions when a mere 45 minutes later I found myself locked myself out of my house because I was not taking my time and not thinking about my actions.  The only thing I was sure of at that moment was my next thought, “Yes, Liz, this would make a great blog.”

As parents we are always multi-tasking.  Making dinner and folding laundry.  Driving the kids to school and thinking about what to wear to work.  Mixing a bottle for the baby and holding the baby and trying to eat our own breakfast.  Putting on our mascara and tying little Jimmy’s shoes.  The list goes on and on and I think every parent can relate to what I am describing.  Just how did this happen and what can we do to “make it all better” (as my three-year-old would say)? 

Being stopped dead in your tracks by the universe clearly trying to tell you to slow down gives a girl time to think.  So I took a deep breath and reviewed my actions of the last fifteen or so minutes.  I had had enough time to change and wash my face, that had been the plan.  There really was no need to check my email, that could have been done after the kids went to bed.  And why did I eat?  We always eat dinner as a family so why did I think I needed to eat quickly computer-side rather than wait a few minutes to enjoy mealtime with my family?  And the laundry?  Seriously?  There’s always laundry to do so why did I think I had to get that particular load in the wash right at that moment?  I started to laugh aloud (the neighborhood kids playing in the street officially think I’m bananas, by the way).  Right then on my stoop I promised to really take to heart what they were trying to teach at the seminar this morning: stop, think, act and review. 

But, I’m not naïve.  I know promising to stop multi-tasking is unrealistic.  But the idea of trying my absolute best to be present, move slowly and make clear decisions seems to be a great way to proceed.  To “Stop in the Name of Love” to ensure my family knows that even though I am one busy mama (like so many of you out there!) that they come first and I will always try my best to make the best, most clear decisions I can for them.  Will I always get it right?  No way – I’m sure there are more days on the stoop being locked out in my future at some point, but I’ll work my best to move slower and be more present for the decisions I make.  Making that commitment is really the best any of us can do.  I’ll be here trying to do my best.  And I wish you all the best as you try, too!

Jeez, who knew a silly set of keys could teach so much?!

Sincerely, From the Stork’s Nest~

Liz 

Pass the Mommy Guilt, Please

I have always been grateful to my mom that she kept such a great baby book of my childhood, which I have enjoyed reading periodically.  I wanted to give my children the same lasting memory of the timeline of their accomplishments as infants, toddlers and young children.  I had a baby book, bought and ready to be written in as soon as my first son was born (and I did keep up with keeping track of his likes/dislikes, sleeping patterns, etc).  My second son came along, and I was able to get a book for him before he turned two months old.  I was pretty impressed with myself, yet wasn’t as regimented at writing things down, and as time drew on, I began to make up some dates of accomplishments up (be sure not to tell him).  I had a good idea of how old he was when he slept through the night for the first time, so I just picked a date in that month. 

The mommy guilt surely crept on in when my daughter was born.  I didn’t purchase a book for her until she was almost 6 months old, hadn’t written down one milestone, and just felt awful as a mom.  The more time drew on, the more overwhelming a task it became.  I’m sorry to say that to this day, the book I bought for her has not even been written in (she is 18 months old).  Guilt, guilt, guilt!

I was sharing the level of guilt I had with a few friends about six months ago.  I, happily, learned that most of my friends, who have had more than one child, have had the same experience.  One friend said that she emails herself different milestones her children have made and, when she has time (who has time?) she is going to complete some type of memory book for her children.  Another mom shared that she writes everything down on the calendar hanging on the fridge, and has the same intention of preparing a book sometime in the future. 

I learned two very important lessons from my guilt disclosure with my friends.  The mommy guilt never goes away, but there is solace in knowing that it’s okay not to be “Super Mom.”  It’s comforting to hear others experience the same feelings that I have.  I also learned there are “tricks” that every mom has, to eventually accomplish the goals we set out to do.  Sharing our experiences and feelings can bring peace-of-mind that we are not the only ones feeling a certain way, but just one mom in this community of amazing moms!

Sincerely,

From the Stork’s Nest~

Rebecca

Playground Lessons

A few days ago I took my children to the playground near my house.  I have to be honest, I was worried.  It would be the first time I took my three-year-old son and 18-month-old daughter to the playground together, alone without my husband.  Or my mom.  Or anyone else coming along for the trip with the soul purpose of lending me a helping hand with the kids.  Could I do it?  What if they took off in different directions?  What if I lost sight of someone?  What if…what if…?

As I ran with my daughter in my arms in an effort to keep up with my galloping son who saw the jungle gym in the distance and shrieked in pure delight, I thought…this is never going to work. 

But once we started playing, I quickly noticed something pretty amazing happening around me.  The park was full of kids and their parents, grandparents, babysitters and other caretakers yet everyone was looking out for each other.  When one dad’s voice called out for his son with a slight shakiness as if to say, “Ut-oh, I think I lost him,” a grandmother from the other side of the jungle gym cried out, “I see his feet coming through the covered slide…I got him!”  When a little girl fell down and scraped her knee, another parent on the other side of the slide walked over to the girl’s mom and offered her brand new tube of Neosporin.  This type of looking out for each other happened the entire time we were there.  Was this for real?  Or, was I on candid camera?  The sense of community was almost too unbelievable to, well, believe. 

It got me thinking: Why is it we can watch over each other at the local playground but not in our every day life?  As we walked back to the car, I silently vowed to be more aware of the way I act towards other caretakers.  We’ve all been in the grocery store when a parent is struggling with their child or at the toy store when a caretaker may not be screaming they lost their child, but they have that panic look across their face and you know something is not right.  Or, in the mall when a child finishes his snacks and begins screaming as his mom desperately tries to find another goodie in her bag when we ourselves have a full box of cheerios in our purse.  Somehow along the way our society moved to an individualist one where it’s considered “rude” to put our noses in someone else's business.  That day on the playground taught me when it comes to parenting, it does take a village.   There’s nothing wrong with offering another caretaker a hand because the truth is we never know when we are going to need that hand in return…whether on or off the playground.

Sincerely,

From the Stork’s Nest~

Liz

Growing Up

My first-born began Kindergarten last week.  He was really looking forward to it, which thrilled my husband and me.  The day before his first day, we did many special things as a family to celebrate his last day before starting Kindergarten.  He awoke on the first day of school, got himself dressed in the clothes we had laid out the night before, brushed his teeth, got his shoes on and poured himself some cereal, all before 7:00 am!

As we pulled up to school, he had about a 10 second hesitation period, but I quickly told him he would have a great day, and I would be back before he knew it.  The teacher then whisked him away quickly, which was helpful avoiding any kind of episode.

As I watched him run (he actually ran into school), Mommy waterworks started.  I couldn’t believe that just 5 ½ years ago, he made me a Mommy, the most cherished role in my life to date.  I remember when he was an infant, so many people told me to remember and enjoy him, as children grow up so quickly.  Of course I have enjoyed each minute (minus the temper tantrums and newly budding independent attitude he can hand out occasionally), but I guess I didn’t heed their words about children growing up quickly. 

I was feeling a bit down after his first day (although his report of the day was GREAT!) when thinking of holding him as a baby, teaching him how to walk, talk, socialize with friends, and all the other treasured memories. 

I, then, began to think of the things that are so cool about having a five-year-old son.  He can carry on an awesome conversation, is starting to have his own opinions about things, has a great sense of humor, can accomplish something he set out to do and be proud of himself, be independent (as he demonstrated on the first day of school morning), and so many other things.  After thinking of my little baby boy in these different ways, it really helped me get as excited about him growing up as he is.

Sometimes, we all need to re-focus our thoughts in a different direction; if we don’t sometimes we become so busy dwelling on what isn’t that we miss what is.

Sincerely,

From the Stork’s Nest~

Rebecca