Life Lessons

I sometimes feel like recording my voice just to get my kids to do a simple task.  Can you please pick up your toys or can you please get dressed?  These are simple tasks in a child’s life but it often takes a herculean effort to get it accomplished.

The other night I was watching Oprah with my wife (disclaimer:  my wife had total control of the remote while I was doing work on my laptop) and the show caught my attention.  It was about Sean Penn and his rescue and humanitarian efforts in Haiti for the earthquake victims.  Needless to say there was despair and tragedy everywhere.  But Oprah then did an interview with a young mom with two young children 6 and 4. They lost their father and husband in the earthquake and are living in one of the shelters for now. 

The shelter was literally made up of sheets hung up and was about 5ft x 10ft in size.  This was their new “home.”  What was amazing was that through all this and in horrible living conditions, the mom and kids were dressed neatly, well groomed and were doing chores.  The four year old was helping wash clothes by hand and they cleaned their “home” everyday and cooked when they had food (there were days when they did not eat).  The mother’s main concerns were that her children go to school and learn how to take care of themselves and learn to be self sufficient.

So here I am in my home and my kids are able to play Wii, ride bikes or go to Disney World and sometimes my big stressor is whether I will be able to get the Nintendo DS for his birthday.  It got me thinking that we as a society are fortunate and each generation does better than the previous one so my children can have the things that I never did, yet each generation seems to be losing those life lessons.  Of course I want kids to be kids and play and have a great childhood, but if a child in Haiti without a home or a nickel in his pocket can learn how to wash clothes, then why can’t my child learn to pick up his toys?  There is something to be said to let a child get his or her hands dirty digging in a garden or watching dad or mom change the oil on a car.

Parenting is a tough job and there are tough decisions to make.  I am realizing that if I want my children to be better off, I need to teach them how to save a penny, work for what they want and need and take pride in knowing how to take care of themselves and others.

This weekend’s to do list:  teach my son and myself how to separate whites and colors and do a load of laundry.

Sincerely,

As a Guest in the Stork’s Nest ~

Daddy-O

The Shower

I don’t know about you but I was terrified of my baby shower.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I was thrilled to have my family and friends take time out of their busy schedules to celebrate me and the bun in my proverbial oven.  But the idea of having someone else plan the day, being the center of attention, and sitting in front of everyone as I opened their gifts gave me butterflies in my stomach.  I had done it for my wedding shower and there was no way I was going to do it again.

Then my mom got wind of my decision.  She vetoed it so quickly if I had blinked I would have missed it.  I realized my mother throwing her only daughter a baby shower to celebrate the birth of her first grandchild was something I could not take away from her. So, I signed up for the event and it was planned without my input to sheer perfection. 

It wasn’t until I was mingling among my guests that I realized the reason I was so anxious about this day – the idea of giving up control was the main reason.  I hadn’t been a part of the invites, the décor, the location, the guest list, none of it.  THAT was why I was nervous.  Which then got me to thinking, isn’t giving up control exactly what parenthood is all about?  Although many of us like to plan to the n^th degree, we all know how the phrase goes, “The best laid plans often go awry…”  I could plan motherhood all I wanted but I was going to have to learn to give up some of the control.  I promised right there in my head to be aware of this at all times.  To live in the moment, to trust in others and myself.  I ended up having a wonderful time and so appreciated my mom’s veto that resulted in such a beautiful day with my friends and family. 

Feeling the way I did?  Even though you may not be in charge of your shower, you certainly can make suggestions to the hosts.  I love these unique ideas and bet you will love them, too: http://pregnant.thebump.com/pregnancy/baby-showers/articles/baby-shower-ideas-from-around-the-country.aspx

Wishing you all the best of everything during your pregnancy and beyond!

Sincerely, From the Stork’s Nest ~

Liz

Need some help dealing with control issues?  Call Stork Support.  Parenthood is challenging, Stork Support can help.  Stork Support, LLC provides home-based counseling and resources to families during pregnancy, after baby arrives, through the toddler years and beyond.  As featured on ABC Action News, Stork Support delivers counseling to your doorstep with in-home visits, online video calls or telephone sessions so you can get support without having to leave your home no matter where you live.  Visit www.storksupport.com for more information.

A Hot Date

Over the weekend I had a date with my 6-year-old son.  My husband and I try our hardest to go out on one-on-one “dates” with our kids as often as we can.  These dates are typically running to the grocery store, the home improvement store, or other errands where we have them come along.  This weekend, my son and I went to the local diner for breakfast.  I, selfishly, just wanted to go out to breakfast, and he was a willing participant, hence a date was formed.

As I have written before, sometimes I get bummed that my kids seem to be growing up in a flash, and aren’t my little babies or toddlers anymore.  This wasn’t one of those times.  His excitement was contagious.  He chose to sit at the counter (which would have never been possible if his younger siblings were with us), he ordered what he wanted which included chocolate milk (something that is never allowed before lunchtime).

As we sat waiting for our order to come out, we had an amazing conversation covering a variety of topics including how he feels about being the oldest in the family, how he likes being in kindergarten, who he likes playing with the most, and what some of his favorites are (they seem to always be changing).  The BEST part of this conversation was that after I asked him some of these questions, he asked me questions about what I thought and how I felt.  He asked what I like about being a Mom, how I like my job and who my best friend is.  I was almost unable to answer his questions because I was so blown away that he wanted to learn about my thoughts and feelings, just as I wanted to learn about his.

As parents we are always on the go, trying to involve our kids in tasks we have to get completed.  We need to pay attention even during the mundane tasks like eating breakfast.  I have found that it is during the times when we aren’t expecting it or trying for it that our children blow us away and show us all the things we have been trying to instill in them.  This was probably the best date I have had in many years!

Sincerely,

From the Stork’s Nest ~

Rebecca

  

Stork Support, LLC provides home-based counseling and resources to families during pregnancy, after baby arrives, through the toddler years and beyond.  As featured on ABC Action News, Stork Support delivers counseling to your doorstep with in-home visits, online video calls or telephone sessions so you can get support without having to leave your home no matter where you live.  Whether the stork arrived recently or years ago, parenthood is challenging.  Stork Support can help.

Flowers...

Like a beautiful garden, light pink, yellow, fuchsia, red, peach roses, lavender, purple irises, pink gerber daisies, indigo delphinium, lavender, sage, mint, magnolia trees white with expensive ladies’ perfume.  Each flower unique but lovely, full of potential.  Like the poem at a local garden, “Trees are poems the earth writes upon the sky” by Khalil Gibran.  Flowers are God's art showing us the limitless.  A patch of clover may reveal three leaves, rare to find four…

The Gardner plants the seeds for each flower, plant and tree. The clover grows without effort.  The Gardner, as my Dad use to say, “keeps the faith.”  It will all bloom like so many stars in a night sky.  As parents we, too, “keep the faith.”  Our children will grow and blossom.

Georgia O' Keeffe said, “It takes time to see a flower.”  Her paintings show that she took that time to not just look but to see the flower.  We must take the time to be in the present as the book, Allen our friend, reminds us.

Present.  All we have.  See our children and the beauty they each possess.  Like a gorgeous flower.  Each extraordinary in talents and unusual in how they appear.  At brunch the other day at Christina and Allen's (dear friend's whose visit Michael missed for a ninth row Eagles game), I gave them a bouquet of flowers. The flowers were ones I had never seen before, unique but magnificent in their difference.  Like all flowers, the same.  Their power was not missed because they were different.

Everyone is quiet.  His shoulders are out.  He is on my belly.  Plop, the placenta comes out.  Internally, I dance that this labor was the easiest of the three boys.  No tearing.  A quiet deafening takes over the room like first snow.  Doctor touches my hand. She says, "his ears, his eyes, the neck are characteristic of ‘Down babies.’”  W H A T?  My mind races that life is over, that our children’s lives are over.  Then a flash like a light…I think of a cutie pie, Georgie, from my teaching job.  All last year, he stopped by my classroom to say, "Hi, Mrs. Schwartz."  I calm my heart with this image.  No group photo is taken like the others.

In the hospital I am given a book on Down Syndrome.  I could not open it.  I did not want to see the pictures.  I could not see the faces.  It would just be a reminder how my life was ruined.

It would be Georgie's mom, who visited me in the hospital.  Her words still hold us up.  Grace told me what her Dad told her as I cried into the phone.  She said, “People will respond to him the way that you respond to him.  He is just an addition, he is not taking anything away from Josh or Sam.  He is just an addition.  Say the serenity prayer, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."  I cried again uncontrollably at her balm.  It was medicine for my soul.  I write her words down, each one carrying power to turn things from upside down to right side up.

Grace continues to impart her wisdom. "Be happy, celebrate every day, make holidays special, decorate, distract yourself, read good books like Chicken Soup for The Mother's Soul and Sarah Breathnach’s Simple Abundance. Get him a cute haircut, always dress him well."  Blessed.  Grace knew what I now know.  Alex is the BEST, a flower unlike and like all flowers.

In the hospital that month Alex was there, Grace said look at his ten tiny cute toes and ten tiny cute fingers.  Love.  We all fell in complete and total love with this baby.  He was diagnosed with Trisomy 21 (Down Syndrome) but it does not define him.

Cecilia supports us and shows us her AMAZING family.  Her son, reading Korean, signing and reading just one year older than Alex.  Cecilia is a person that I could not imagine my life without, like Grace and Mara.

My dear friend Mara would come with her adorable children.  Showing me you look like a model in Burberry and your children can look like hers, ADORABLE and CUTE!  I will never forget her appearing at the NICU with a gift for us with her children. She and Grace and Cecelia and many others remain our friends.

I met Mara through the doctor at the NICU, Grace was a parent in my school that I was connected to from my book group family and Cecilia was a person my doctor helped connect me to.  Reach out, others are here.

It is so funny, now I seek pictures of children with Trisomy 21.  They are GORGEOUS and RARE like a shooting star.  I see BEAUTY, LOVE, JOY and children.  I do not see the medical diagnosis.  Like trees, flowers and clovers...each BEAUTIFUL, EXQUISITE and EXTRAORDINARY.  Keep the faith....

When you find yourself in a garden or in a patch of clover or near the trees look and see...find the difference and see the similarities.

Sincerely, 

As a Guest in the Stork’s Nest~

Mama Nancy

*Stay tuned for mama Nancy's blog each month*

Artwork by Michael Schwartz

The Thing About Aunts...

First of all, a disclaimer: I am not a mother and have never been a mother. However, I am a teacher, an aunt, and besties (is that a real word?) with a woman who has two wonderful children. Also, I see kids everywhere-in grocery stores, on airplanes, at the gym even-yes, my gym has a “child-care” room and one of the TVs is always designated to broadcast that room to the gym; I assume this is to assuage parents, so that they can exercise and still know that their child is only a glance away. (Sadly, for months I wondered what bizarre channel this was and why it was always playing at the gym before I realized what it was-clearly I’m a genius.) But anyways, I digress. Basically, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m pretty sure that all of this combined practically makes me an expert on child-rearing…

Ok, it doesn’t really. But here is what I do know for sure after watching very close people around me have children: parenthood is hard! I mean, I love my niece more than words can even express and truly cherish every second that I spend with her. But at the end of the day (or weekend), I know that I can return to my own apartment and sit down uninterrupted to watch an episode of The Daily Show while drinking a cup of tea, and not have to worry about changing diapers or if the baby’s really asleep or if I have everything that she needs for school tomorrow or when the next check-up is or whether I remembered to get enough of those snacks that he likes or…really, the list just goes on forever.

So here’s my advice to you (because really, what parents don’t love getting unsolicited advice?): Give yourself a pat on the back for all of the hard work that you do, give yourself a break for the mistakes that you’ve made or will make, and accept all of the help that you can get! As an aunt, I would do anything for my niece-my sister need just ask. In reality, she often doesn’t-I think because she doesn’t want to impose. But I am here to tell all of you parents: please impose! Aunts and uncles (and for those of you who don’t have siblings, your friends are your siblings!) love to help-for us it is pure fun! We love spending time with and doing things for our nieces and/or nephews-this includes babysitting, buying fun gifts/cool clothes and taking them to do fun activities. It really is a win-win: you parents get a small break from the incredibly all-consuming job that is parenthood, and we get to become the cool aunt (or uncle).

So next time you find yourself tired, or overwhelmed, or over-extended, or just wanting a moment to sit down and watch The Daily Show while enjoying a nice, warm cup of tea-call that sister (or brother) of yours! Because really, after all those years she forced you to watch Growing Pains with her while growing up, it definitely taught her that families are always there for each other (and trust me-secretly everyone wants the chance to become the cool aunt!).

Sincerely, 

As a Guest in the Stork’s Nest ~

Auntie Donna