Time-Out!

Liz and I often talk to our clients and write in our blog the importance of moms taking care of themselves, making time for just you, celebrating you as a woman and a mother.  These are all very important and ways that we, as moms, can continue being the best we can be for our families.

So what happens when your beautiful two-year-old daughter has meltdown after meltdown, tantrum after tantrum and someone in the exchange, either mommy or daughter, desperately needs a time-out?  I have been finding for the last few weeks, that I am that person that needs the time-out most!  I am a “seasoned” parent, I should know how to handle these types of things, right?!?!?  The short answer is, nope!

Today was particularly challenging with my independent, strong-willed little lady, and I felt myself getting to that point of boiling over.  My sons were also there, and are pretty oblivious to her crying and tantruming, the main reaction they have is turning the television volume up so they can hear whatever show they are watching over her screams.  I’m not even going to bore you with the reasons that sent her over the edge, as they are the most mundane (to me anyway) things of everyday life you could imagine.  I am going to tell you that after multiple attempts at ignoring the behavior, placing her in time-out, asking her to tell or show me what she wanted, she continued to rage on.  So I decided, I was putting myself in time-out, literally.

I went to our family’s time-out spot, sat down on the floor and did not speak to anyone (even my sons who were hysterical that I actually did this).  I sat in time-out to calm myself down, as I was just about at my wits end.  I sat there for about five minutes, with my eyes closed and deeply breathing for about three of them.   The irony of this situation is, that when my daughter saw that mommy was in time-out, she stopped her ranting and raving and just stared at me.

 

When I removed myself from time-out, I felt much more calm and able to deal with the situation at hand.  This is the first time in six and a half years that I have done such a thing, and it worked!  She immediately came over to me and gave me a hug and said in her way – sorry mommy. 

I have realized from this day that I could have eight kids and continue to learn and find new strategies to deal with the different personalities all kids have.  There is no one-way or no right-way, and sometimes it takes a mommy or daddy time-out to learn what THE-way in the present situation is.

Sincerely,

From the Stork’s Nest~

Rebecca 

Sweet Success

These last few weeks have been hectic.  My kids.  Work.  Social activities.  Spring has sprung and it seems like the calendar has been full to the brim.  Every two years the February – March period is busy for professional reasons, too.  Every two years continuing education credits are due.  In all honesty, it’s a process I dread: gathering class certificates, counting credits, completing paperwork.  You get my drift.   

In addition to my professional license, I earned an advanced certificate in Children, Youth and Family Social Work several years ago.  Renewing this certificate always ends the same: with a bright, shiny gold sticker arriving in the mail which is intended to be affixed to my social work license.  This year my gold sticker just happened to arrive the same day my son came home with a similar gold sticker awarded after he listened well at preschool.  And, it hit me.  We issue stickers and stamps and other goodies to our kids on a regular basis, but why don’t we offer similar rewards to adults?

Think about it for a minute.  When was the last time you got a high five, a certificate of appreciation or a paper award with a big ole smiling trophy a la the ones issued to our children in school?  When was the last time you got to pick a sticker from the big roll at YOUR doctor’s office for not crying during a shot?  Or, at YOUR dentist when you didn’t cry during your root canal?  For some reason as we grew, society forgot how important those little tangible rewards are and we were left without any regular reward system that we could see and touch in place. 

I say it’s time to change that, Stork Supporters!  I think it’s time we start rewarding ourselves with tangible goodies.  Now, clearly, as adults paper stickers probably don’t mean that much to us.  But, what if we swapped out stickers for a day at the spa?  Or, a peaceful dinner alone at our favorite restaurant?  Or for 30 minutes of quiet time to meditate or read a book? 

As parents we plan, prepare, manage, execute and accomplish so many things each day.  And whether or not they go exactly as planned, we still tried our very best.  It’s about time we start giving ourselves the credit we deserve and the rewards we so desperately need.  So the next time you feel guilty for taking some much needed “me-time,” remember back on all the “stickers” you earned over the week, give yourself a big ole proverbial pat on the back, and bask in your successes.

Sincerely,

From the Stork’s Nest ~

Liz

Star of the Sea

Artwork by: Michael Schwartz

Alex is a starfish, mysterious and beautiful. He moves in other ways and dances across our hearts with his music. Our ocean is deeper because he is in it. He swims and helps us all to love each other more. His presence heals the heart of any unrest. His Hebrew name is Gal. It means ocean wave. How perfect. Josh is Baruch, blessing and Sam is Moshe, savior. We have an ocean wave of blessings as our savior. Starfish swims and love surrounds us with warmth.

                Starfish (Asteroidea)

“Particularly among the young, Starfish are the most popular creatures when you go tide pooling! They may well be the most unusual well-known creatures. They have no front or back and can move in any direction without turning. Rather than using muscles to move their hundreds of tiny legs, starfish use a complex hydraulic system to move around or cling to rocks. They can move quite gracefully across a surface.” Michael Michaud

                This is printed on a white card from the artist, in the silver box of the delicate starfish necklace my Mom sent me for my birthday strung on tiny sea pearls. Next to the gift from the sea is a real starfish. Alex it is like this starfish. “Is he walking yet?  Has he started crawling? Is he talking?”

                My answer to these well meaning inquiries is he is working on it and he is. He bounces with the strength of  the best Pilates instructor and glides across a floor like the star of the sea. He pulls his legs straight when practicing his stand. Graceful and passionate moving like no other, unusual and using  muscles in ways we  do not always see.

                “The way he tries inspires us all to try harder.” My friend Grace continues to remind me of the miracle Alex brings us. In the children’s’ book Star Of The Sea  by Janet Halfmann and Illustrated by Joan Paley, I learn that there are two thousand types of starfish just as there are many different children. Some of the thirty species can regrow body parts and rays. Proof of miracles! Alex will walk and he will crawl and he will talk.  He is already saying uh, uh, gi, uh for Mama get me up. He says Dada and Mama. “Ba”, for bye and “Eheh” for Josh and Sam.

                In an email exchange with the author of Star of the Sea,  I thank Janet for the beauty in her book. She is happy her writing inspires me to write.

                Alex scooches on the floor, pushing up to a crawl for a few seconds.  He moves unlike a lot of threenagers I know. Like a starfish unique but gorgeous. Starfish love the water and Alex does too. He comes alive with “splashies” any time he is in the pool or bath. Alex splashes the water giggling at the way it comes up towards him and anyone near him.

                “They move quite gracefully across a surface.” He does. His beauty and grace are powerful. Alex is working hard on his speech. He may not always convey in words how he is feeling but if there is unkindness. He curls up like a frightened starfish. We always know what he means Alex is a true threenager like all three year olds. As a starfish looks like a star, our star of the sea in our ocean wave of blessings as our savior.  Our starfish swims and swims and swims……Keep swimming………

                                           

Sincerely, 

As a Guest in the Stork's Nest~

Mama Nancy