When my husband and I were dating, and learning about each other, it was clear that we wanted the same thing in our future, a family including children. As a young married couple, we were busy with our careers, taking vacations, eating dinner whenever and wherever we wanted, taking our dog for walks, going shopping, sleeping late on weekends, and talking about WHEN the time was right to have our first baby. We were doing pretty much everything TOGETHER!
We were ecstatic when we learned we were pregnant and going to add a new member to our family. For those nine (actually ten) months, we went to doctor’s appointments together, painted and decorated the new nursery together, researched and bought the all important baby equipment together, took a breastfeeding and childbirth class together, and were all ready to have a baby TOGETHER.
Once our beautiful son arrived, we reveled in him TOGETHER! Once we got home, we “attacked” being new parents together, but (funny enough) we were rarely doing the same thing at the same time. We grabbed food when we could, no more sit down dinners together. When one of us was feeding him, the other was doing laundry, the dishes, cleaning, and running to the grocery store. If we were invited to go out for a get-together with friends, one of us went while the other stayed home with our son. When one was up at night feeding, changing, and soothing him, the other was catching the all important zzz’s we needed to care for our newborn the next day.
As I mentioned, we attacked being new parents together, and it was all consuming, as it is with all new parents. We were together, but in a very different way than ever before. I truly thought this lack of husband/wife togetherness would change once our baby got older and didn’t need the vigilance and care that a newborn required. Boy, was I wrong! It became harder and harder to be together emotionally as a couple.
Now with three children under 5 in our family, we have worked very hard at maintaining our couple togetherness. Something that came so easily pre-kids, now takes a lot of hard work to maintain. Don’t get me wrong, I knew becoming parents would alter our lives, but didn’t realize how much work it would take to carve out 10 minutes a day to talk to one another about non-kid topics, or to schedule an hour to get out together (which doesn’t occur nearly as often it should) at $15 or more a pop with a babysitter. I have realized that we aren’t (and probably won’t ever be) the couple we were pre-kids. It came much easier back then, and didn’t require as much thought as it does now. I believe that it is because of our children, that we now respect and relish the time together we spend that is as a couple, and not as parents. We no longer take for granted our conversations about current events and our future hopes and dreams.
Over the last year or two, I determined that whatever the cost: $15 an hour, an extra TV show for the kids to be entertained, or a long drive on a Saturday afternoon with them in their carseats dozing off, it is totally worth it for those precious, rare moments TOGETHER.
If you talk with most new parents, they will share similar sentiments of those I have told you about. Every couple welcoming a new baby has their joys and hardships as a couple. It is important to remember that although a beautiful new baby can change your relationship, you can still maintain that togetherness, differently.
Sincerely,
From the Stork’s Nest~
Rebecca
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